Love hurts! Trust me... It does!
It was really a sad and painful day for me. I wished that this day would be a special one but it didn't turn out right. Let me share with you some parts of the story of my life.
The first time I fell in love was during my sixth grade. I got into this relationship with a beautiful girl named Maricar. The relationship went fairly well during its early stages or months. But after some time, it no longer worked. I didn't know who's to blame in the break-up. Maybe it was because we were both too young then and still immature. It was really a painful separation for me. Perhaps it's awkward to admit that I fell in love at a very young age. I knew it was love, not the puppy love that my friends were talking about. It took me two years to move on. Yes, I cried and I did a lot of times. I really loved her.
Last year, I was able to contact her again. We agreed to meet several times but it always failed to materialize. Maybe it wasn't meant to happen. Early this year, we agreed to finally meet after about five years of not seeing each other. I was very excited back then but like the previous agreements, it also failed to happen. Few days prior to the actual meeting, perhaps I can call it a date, I met someone. And that's the next part of the story.
I was hearing this girl's name for quite some time already. Her name cropped up several times during organizational meetings and planning for the college elections. Finally, I saw her during the screening of "Ang Pamilyang Kumakain ng Lupa." It was in fact Joe Alban who told me that she was the gorgeous girl seated a couple of seats to our right. I was awed by her grace and appearance and immediately felt that I will like her. I looked forward to the start of the campaign season because we will be housed together.
To cut the long story short, we shared some time together during the campaign and the hours after that. In a short span of time, I got to know her. We shared some laughs, some giggles, talked about some serious matters, dined together, walked from the Shopping Center to Ilang-Ilang Residence Hall under the bright moon together, rode the jeepney together, accompanied her when she's about to go home after late night trainings, slept inside the same room together with our colleagues. When she's not around and wouldn't sleep over, her pillow was with me. Yes, I hugged it while I was sleeping. During those times, I really felt happy. In a short span of time, I fell in love with her.
I have mentioned earlier that I wanted this day to be a special one. It was because today is the fifth month since I told her that I love her. A text message received on that day at 6:28 pm said: "Tnx sa treat and flowers!Ü" Another text message was received last May 15 at 8:58 pm which said: "Grabe i tot ur just joking..bka d k mapalitan yan...tnx so much.." She appreciated what I have done for her. I was happy.
Five months have passed but still, it's not yet "us." On June 19 at 10:37 pm, I received another text message: "I really apprciate ol d tings dat u do bt jst lyk wat u sed im cmmitd wid a lot of stuff dats y i dnt wnt 2 nter yet in a relshp coz if ever i wil wont hve tym 4 it..ope u do nderstand,errr u cud stil luk 4 sum1 btter i mean u dnt hve to burdn ur self w8tin my fren.Ü" After that message, I still remained optimistic. It didn't explicitly say that she's dumping me. Yes, I acknowledged the fact that she's extremely busy with her numerous commitments and other things. She merely said that she's not yet ready or prepared. She even was concerned about me waiting for her. You might have a different interpretation about that text message but I have to stand by my interpretation that it wasn't over. There was still a chance to change her stand.
Now, let's get back to the first line of this post. It was a sad and painful day for me. I don't have the right to complain but I have to let this feeling out. Everytime I ask her out, she always decline. She has gazillion reasons why she couldn't commit. When I text her, it takes her hours to reply. Suwerte na ako nun because I usually don't receive a reply from her. Well, I'm used to it. When I call her, sometimes she doesn't take it. I couldn't tell whether it was intentional or I was just unlucky that her phone wasn't with her during those times. But in any case, I still am hurt. Today was a different case. I asked her out, sadly thru text message. I didn't get a reply throughout the day. We're actually classmates in one of my classes this afternoon. But throughout the entire class period, she's been texting. She said sorry for not replying because according to her, she didn't have load. I didn't buy that reason this time. I asked her if we can go out this week or next week but she declined. "Maraming midterms and papers due" according to her. Again, I didn't buy that excuse.
Bottom line is... I'm really hurt. I have never been so in love until now. I really, really, really love her. This is my loneliest day during the past five months of trying to win her. Bakit ba kapag sobra mong mahal ang isang tao, sobra ka ring masaktan?
If "you" are reading this, I want to tell you again that i love you. I don't know what will happen after this. Maybe I need some time to think. I don't know. But regardless of whatever that will happen in the future, always remember that I love you. I'll never get tired of repeating those words.
The first time I fell in love was during my sixth grade. I got into this relationship with a beautiful girl named Maricar. The relationship went fairly well during its early stages or months. But after some time, it no longer worked. I didn't know who's to blame in the break-up. Maybe it was because we were both too young then and still immature. It was really a painful separation for me. Perhaps it's awkward to admit that I fell in love at a very young age. I knew it was love, not the puppy love that my friends were talking about. It took me two years to move on. Yes, I cried and I did a lot of times. I really loved her.
Last year, I was able to contact her again. We agreed to meet several times but it always failed to materialize. Maybe it wasn't meant to happen. Early this year, we agreed to finally meet after about five years of not seeing each other. I was very excited back then but like the previous agreements, it also failed to happen. Few days prior to the actual meeting, perhaps I can call it a date, I met someone. And that's the next part of the story.
I was hearing this girl's name for quite some time already. Her name cropped up several times during organizational meetings and planning for the college elections. Finally, I saw her during the screening of "Ang Pamilyang Kumakain ng Lupa." It was in fact Joe Alban who told me that she was the gorgeous girl seated a couple of seats to our right. I was awed by her grace and appearance and immediately felt that I will like her. I looked forward to the start of the campaign season because we will be housed together.
To cut the long story short, we shared some time together during the campaign and the hours after that. In a short span of time, I got to know her. We shared some laughs, some giggles, talked about some serious matters, dined together, walked from the Shopping Center to Ilang-Ilang Residence Hall under the bright moon together, rode the jeepney together, accompanied her when she's about to go home after late night trainings, slept inside the same room together with our colleagues. When she's not around and wouldn't sleep over, her pillow was with me. Yes, I hugged it while I was sleeping. During those times, I really felt happy. In a short span of time, I fell in love with her.
I have mentioned earlier that I wanted this day to be a special one. It was because today is the fifth month since I told her that I love her. A text message received on that day at 6:28 pm said: "Tnx sa treat and flowers!Ü" Another text message was received last May 15 at 8:58 pm which said: "Grabe i tot ur just joking..bka d k mapalitan yan...tnx so much.." She appreciated what I have done for her. I was happy.
Five months have passed but still, it's not yet "us." On June 19 at 10:37 pm, I received another text message: "I really apprciate ol d tings dat u do bt jst lyk wat u sed im cmmitd wid a lot of stuff dats y i dnt wnt 2 nter yet in a relshp coz if ever i wil wont hve tym 4 it..ope u do nderstand,errr u cud stil luk 4 sum1 btter i mean u dnt hve to burdn ur self w8tin my fren.Ü" After that message, I still remained optimistic. It didn't explicitly say that she's dumping me. Yes, I acknowledged the fact that she's extremely busy with her numerous commitments and other things. She merely said that she's not yet ready or prepared. She even was concerned about me waiting for her. You might have a different interpretation about that text message but I have to stand by my interpretation that it wasn't over. There was still a chance to change her stand.
Now, let's get back to the first line of this post. It was a sad and painful day for me. I don't have the right to complain but I have to let this feeling out. Everytime I ask her out, she always decline. She has gazillion reasons why she couldn't commit. When I text her, it takes her hours to reply. Suwerte na ako nun because I usually don't receive a reply from her. Well, I'm used to it. When I call her, sometimes she doesn't take it. I couldn't tell whether it was intentional or I was just unlucky that her phone wasn't with her during those times. But in any case, I still am hurt. Today was a different case. I asked her out, sadly thru text message. I didn't get a reply throughout the day. We're actually classmates in one of my classes this afternoon. But throughout the entire class period, she's been texting. She said sorry for not replying because according to her, she didn't have load. I didn't buy that reason this time. I asked her if we can go out this week or next week but she declined. "Maraming midterms and papers due" according to her. Again, I didn't buy that excuse.
Bottom line is... I'm really hurt. I have never been so in love until now. I really, really, really love her. This is my loneliest day during the past five months of trying to win her. Bakit ba kapag sobra mong mahal ang isang tao, sobra ka ring masaktan?
If "you" are reading this, I want to tell you again that i love you. I don't know what will happen after this. Maybe I need some time to think. I don't know. But regardless of whatever that will happen in the future, always remember that I love you. I'll never get tired of repeating those words.
posted by Jal | 9:46 PM
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